“Truth cannot only comfort you. At times, it has to cut through to the bone, to the very marrow even, if this is what it takes to set you free.” – Mooji
In other words, the truth hurts.
Part of what makes therapy so difficult is looking at ourselves with a critical eye. It is much easier to continue doing things the way we have always done them, than to examine ourselves. However, if we do not change anything about our thoughts and behaviors, nothing will change. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Often we want to change our life circumstances, or others, believing that doing so would resolve our suffering. If only I could stop arguing with my spouse, if only my job would pay me more, I would be so much happier. When we do switch jobs, move across the country, or cut people out of our lives, these changes can help us. However, our inner turmoil will not be resolved until we address it directly.
As always, I say “we” and “us” because I myself am not above any of this. I often think that if only my commute was shorter, or I were only paid more, life would be so much better. Then I remember that I will always be able to find reasons for suffering and hypothetical solutions to it, if I am looking for them. Focusing on what is going well in life and what I can do right now decreases suffering.
Many people decide, after entering therapy, that looking inward is too painful. Or people realize that they would like to continue weighing the pros and cons of changing, or dip their toe in the water before plunging into change. Others decide that now is not a good time in their life for therapy. Any of these decisions is okay, as long as you feel good about it.
Reactions? Thoughts? Feelings? Comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.